In my last post, I wrote about my son's father and the reasons I refused to get married to him. This post is about the other relationship I rejected and my reasons.
This particular guy was coming on to me while I was dating my son's father but I rejected him because I was in a relationship. I didn't see him again until after 6 or 8 months. I had gone to buy something at a supermarket close to my office with a colleague when I ran into him with my big belly. He was pleasantly surprised and even paid for my items. After our encounter, he called our mutual friend and asked why he didn't tell him I was now married. That friend told him a summary of what happened to me and he told that friend he was still interested in a relationship with me and wasn't put off by my pregnancy.
Throughout the remainder of my pregnancy, he hung around as a friend. Even though he didn't state clearly what he wanted, I knew. But it was the least of my problems. A few months after I had my baby, he told me his intentions, and I still didn't accept him because I didn't have any feelings for him, and I had my child to consider. I wasn't going to let just anyone into our lives.
After a few consultations and conversations I thought, what’s the harm in giving him a chance? He was really sweet to me, my child and my family. And it's rare to find a man who wasn’t put off by my situation. Basically, everyone around me was wondering what I was waiting for, so I gave him a chance. We dated for six months then, I broke up with him.
Below are the reasons I broke up with him:
There was no depth in the relationship. We couldn't have an in-depth conversation on any topic. When I tried to converse with him, it just didn't work. He would be talking and I’d find it hard to understand what he was saying.
Communication was zero. I couldn't have conversations with him and when we had disagreements, he didn't want to talk about it or he would apologize and expect things to be great without trying to take care of the root cause of the problem.
There wasn't any direction in the relationship. I tried to share my dreams and visions for my life with him and he didn't understand them. When I asked about his own dreams, it didn't have any intensity or deepness to it.
He didn't have a relationship with God. That was a huge deal breaker for me. I thought he did because he had been in church for so long but unfortunately, he didn't. He was just a churchgoer.
He wasn't financially disciplined. No planning, investment or savings. He just spent money as it came without proper planning.
So because I was trying to meet society's expectations for me, I entered into a relationship which I knew from the beginning wasn't going to work. That was the same thing that happened in my previous relationship. I thought I was at that age where I should be married, so because I badly wanted to be married, I stayed in a toxic relationship. I thank God for the day He gave me the strength and grace to leave both relationships.
Many people couldn't understand how I left a man who wanted to marry me even with the fact that I was a single mom. A few friends tried speaking to me, to encourage me not to give up this opportunity to redeem myself and become properly married. They thought whatever the issues we had may be, we could work it out. I told them that marrying him would mean I would be settling and that is not the life God wants me to have.
Dear sister, do not let society, family or anyone pressure you into accepting something that you do not want or are not ready for. The devil knows the amazing life God has planned for you to have and he will do anything to derail you from that path including making something look like what you need. But do not give in to the devil's tricks, stay strong in God's plan for you and as you persevere and with His power, it will come to pass in due season. Have a week filled with God's grace, guidance and blessings.
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