In a previous post, I wrote about how my son's father wanted us to get married but I refused his proposal. I also wrote about how I rejected a relationship with another man who wasn’t put off by my pregnancy.
I know that most times, when a girl gets pregnant, and the father of the child decides to marry her, whatever his reason may be, it's usually seen as a good thing.
I know there are several people who might say I would have been a married woman now instead of an 'unwed mother'. Many people encourage the woman to go ahead and get married regardless of the man's reasons for wanting to get married without thinking of other important variables.
Here are some of the reasons I didn't accept my son's father's proposal:
The relationship was not a good one so I didn't expect that a marriage to him would be any different. I expected even worse from him if we got married.
I didn't like his character and I knew getting married to him would mean I was fine with whatever children we would have turning out like him.
My relationship with him did not propel me towards God, instead, it distracted me from Him.
Our principles, values and beliefs did not align.
He did not push me to be the best I could be instead, he wanted to be in absolute control of my life.
He was selfish and didn't care about anyone but himself. I remember telling him once that I had never met anyone as selfish as he was.
He took me away from my family and friends. Imagine what would have happened if I married him.
There were many more reasons but I will stop here for now. Many people didn't understand my reasons for not marrying him but I know that I would have been crazy to marry him.
For a single pregnant woman, pregnancy is not enough reason to marry. Yes, having a two-parent home is much healthier for a child to grow in. But imagine having a two-parent home that is toxic. Do you think that child will thrive and become what God wants him/her to be? Instead, you will have a traumatized adult who will blame you for the type of home you brought them up in.
Yes, it is very unfortunate that you are having/have a child/children as a single woman but having that child should not push you to become desperate. Instead, it should push you to increase your bar on which type of man you will give room to come close to you and your child(ren).
Remember that you are the one to protect your child(ren) from all the different vices in this world until they are grown enough to make decisions themselves.
Dear sister, I pray God will guide you this week as you navigate this life of single motherhood and make critical decisions that will affect your child(ren). Whoever you decide to settle with, whether it's their biological father or another man, remember that your decision will either propel or mar your child(ren) for life. Have a week filled with God's grace, guidance and blessings.
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