There are different types of single moms:
The widows. Women whose husbands die and are left to cater for themselves and their children. They usually receive a lot of sympathy and support because they were responsibly married but ended up alone due to uncontrollable circumstances.
Then there are those who became single parents because of divorce. They get sympathy and support from some people while others are judgemental because they believe no matter what their reason for divorce was, a woman should fight for her marriage and be viewed as respectfully married rather than a divorcee.
And there are unwed single mothers. Those who went ahead to ‘eat the forbidden fruit in secret and the result came out in the open for all to see.’ I fall under this category. There is very little sympathy and a lot of judgement for those in this group. After all, we brought the problem upon ourselves.
A woman who has a child outside of marriage is usually seen as one who brought shame upon her family, especially her mother. You are viewed as ungrateful to your parents and have destroyed your life. If you are actively involved in the church, the stakes are higher for you because you are supposed to know better. You have not only brought shame upon yourself and your family but the church too. This is the reason many Christian women would rather undergo an abortion than go through ‘the shame’ of having a baby alone.
I have heard of many instances where women and young girls in this situation are being forced into unhealthy marriages, disowned by their families, or thrown out of their homes and left to fend for themselves.
I was one of the blessed ones who had a supportive family. My mother and siblings, although shocked by my situation, were supportive from the start and up until now. So I would say I had a soft landing compared to many women and young girls.
Even with my family’s support, it was very challenging. For many years after I had my son, I felt like I was living in a dream. But the best thing I got from my situation was that it drew me closer to God.
Many single mothers have lived in ‘the shame’ of what happened to them and they have been told over and over again about how unredeemable or unforgivable their sin against God is and their lives have been defined by that one incident. Everything in their life is defined by the fact that they are a single mother and people cannot see beyond that fact. However, Jesus in John 8:1-11 who had every right to judge and condemn the adulterous woman didn’t. Likewise, He doesn’t condemn you and me.
I remember when I found out I was pregnant. For many days after my family had gone to bed, I would lie on the floor crying to God to take away the situation. I would beg Him to not let my mother be put to shame because of me. At some point, I realised God wasn’t going to take it away. I had to make a choice. I had to walk through it but He wasn’t going to let me go alone. If I would let Him, He would hold my hand through it all.
I did let Him and He has been with me all the way. Through the happy, easy, and challenging times, He has never left me for once. Even as I was then in my ‘shame’, He said He loved and wanted me. And I know that He loves and wants you too.