While I was pregnant, I thought I had high Blood Pressure. I was actually sure I had it because apart from the shame and guilt I carried around, the insults, threats, and manipulation I got from my son's father were so much that I was shocked I wasn't diagnosed with high blood pressure at any of my antenatal visits.
Every day came with different drama: name-calling, manipulation and so much more. It started with him saying I should have had an abortion, to him claiming he wasn't sure the baby was his, to him saying I didn't care about my child's well-being because I refused to marry him. Later on, he refused to financially support us and went ahead to throw his money in my face.
So ladies, be careful and watchful when it comes to who you start a relationship with because it's not everyone you see out there that is normal. But if you are like me who cannot change what happened, then you need to come up with some coping mechanisms and set boundaries.
Because I thought then that maybe he was interested in being present in his child's life, I didn't set up boundaries early. So I kept talking to him and I allowed him to some extent into my space. Unfortunately, it was unhealthy for me because he totally messed with my mental health and spoke negatively towards me, and I kept soaking myself in this negative talk until I realized that I needed to set boundaries which really helped me.
I didn't send him away from my child's life. He left on his own accord when he realized I wasn't giving room for him to continue his manipulation.
For you and your child's mental health, it is important that you set boundaries. Boundaries are healthy for a relationship; a relationship without boundaries is bound to crash with one or both parties coming out of it with a lots of hurt and pain. Boundaries help us protect our well-being, they also help us build trust, safety and respect in relationships.
And one of your top most priority for you and your child is your safety and well-being. Set up your boundaries and clearly communicate them to him (not only for your child/children's father but also for every person in your life) let him/them know what is allowed and what is not. If he/they don't like it, that is not your problem, they should find a way to deal with it.
Dear sister, please take time this weekend to evaluate your life and see where you have not set up boundaries and start coming up with ways to. I pray that God Almighty will grant you wisdom and strength on how to go about it in Jesus' name, amen. Have a lovely week.
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