For many women, becoming a single mother happened because of badly raised boys who grew up to become irresponsible and entitled men. I bet you’re not happy with the way your child(ren)'s father treats or treated you. Some 'fathers' don't know or care that they have children in existence, then they are those who know but don't care to be a responsible father to the child(ren); those that show up from time to time but then you and your child(ren) are really better off without them because of the drama and toxicity that comes with them.
So, aside from setting up healthy boundaries for you and your child(ren), what else are you doing about the situation? Before I expatiate my question, I want to talk about an experience I had some years ago when I visited a saloon to do my hair.
The owner of the hair salon had two children. A girl who was about 11 years old and a boy around the age of 9. While I was there, I noticed the girl was being asked to do all sorts of things. She was sent on errands and was cleaning up the salon while the boy slept, used his gadget or played.
As everything happened, something in particular made me raise my eyebrows. The mother asked the girl to make cornflakes for the boy to eat. I turned to look at the boy again to check if he wasn't feeling well as that may be why he had been chilling while his sister had been doing everything. But the boy was perfectly fine. I was still thinking about what happened and hadn’t finished recovering when I heard the mother say to her daughter to pick up her brother's plates and wash them. In my mind, I was like, ‘Ah Ah🙆🏿♀️🙆🏿♀️🙆🏿♀️ What is going on here?’
I wanted to ask the mother if something was wrong with the boy that he couldn’t make his own food or wash his plates. I didn't want any trouble so, I swallowed my question. Now imagine with me for a minute, given the type of upbringing they received, what type of person they will each become as adults. Do you think the boy was being equipped to become a responsible adult? Do you think the daughter was being equipped to have a healthy dose of self-esteem and boundaries? If the mother continues like that, do you think the boy is being brought up to be entitled or that the sister is being brought up to be an enabler?
Some people might say that was just one incident and I should not make my conclusion based on it. Well, they may be right. But one thing I know is that we should bring up our children, whether boys or girls, to be responsible for themselves. They should each know how to take care of themselves, clean up after themselves, and serve others. It is not only girls that should cook and clean. Boys, too, should learn how to cook, clean and respect girls.
If we must put a stop to irresponsible and entitled men, or women who enable their husbands or boyfriends' irresponsible behaviours, we mothers must start from the home to teach our boys to be responsible and our girls to have boundaries and stop enabling bad behaviors. No magic will happen to turn a spoiled and entitled boy into a responsible adult. You cannot go to the farm to harvest crops you did not plant. If you want a harvest of a responsible adult, then start by planting the seeds now that they are young and in due time, you shall harvest your crops in plenty.
Dear sister, I pray that in this new week, God will strengthen you for the task and responsibility of bringing up your children in a way that will glorify Him. May He provide all the resources you would need for this work in Jesus' name, amen.
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